Kids/Family

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island

February 13, 2012
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Overall:★★½☆☆ 
Filmmaking/Artistic:★★★☆☆ 
Storytelling:★½☆☆☆ 

So, your kids should really like this one.  It isn’t terrible for adults, but then again, it isn’t all that great.

The plot is: For some reason a kid (Josh Hutcherson) and The Rock (insert 2 minutes of standard blended family boy trying to find himself shooting death eyes at stepdad) go traipsing off to somewhere near the filming of the latest season of Survivor, find a helicopter pilot from the Comic Relief Agency (25% surcharge for pilot bringing his cute daughter from High School Musical, additional 10% if she is not allowed to sing), and fly through some kind of whirlpool vortex thing straight into an updated Land of the Lost.  You know, elephants are small, dragonflies are big, stuff is dangerous, those-aren’t-rocks-they’re-eggs (gasp!), that kind of deal.  And the island is sinking and it’s really Atlantis and Michael Caine stars as long-lost-grandpa dressed up like Barbie’s Adventure Ken.  And somehow Jules Verne and Robert Louis Stevenson cooked it all up years ago.

That is to say, the story is pretty ridiculous, and doesn’t flow… it feels like one set up scene after another.

For the positive stuff, Dwayne Johnson is, as always, very good as a comedic and physical actor.  Josh Hutcherson plays his role well (looking forward to him as Peeta in Hunger Games), and Michael Caine is enjoyably hammy.  And some (but not all) of the special effects are fun.  It’s just that the script is, well, nuts.

So, go for the kids.  There is no bad language, or it is very minimal.  The Rock is funny.  The adventure is decent, if predictable and/or stupid.  But if it’s date night, pick something else.

We Bought a Zoo

January 15, 2012
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Overall:★½☆☆☆ 
Filmmaking/Artistic:★★☆☆☆ 
Storytelling:½☆☆☆☆ 

Horribly clunky dialogue. All stuff you’ve seen before, but set in a zoo. An example: Know how you can tell the teenage boy is upset at his mom’s death? His drawings are violent and dark! (And it’s Hollywood, so his drawings are in this fancy leather journal, of course.) Also, the little girl is cute, but it’s Hollywood, so dad interacts with her as if she is an adult, asking for parenting advice.  Was wishing for Chipwrecked.

Guest Review from Your Movie Monkey’s 12-year-old daughter, Drama

I didn’t know what to expect from this movie.  From the commercial, the theme seems to be “a touching and inspiring family movie”, but it is packed with cussing.  The story was good but got side tracked.  Overall, my favorite part was the sets.  I liked how it ended, but the beginning was slow.  It was worth seeing.

Cars 2

January 15, 2012
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Overall:★½☆☆☆ 
Filmmaking/Artistic:★★★☆☆ 
Storytelling:☆☆☆☆☆ 

If Your Movie Monkey never hears Larry the Cable Guy again, it will be too soon.

Soul Surfer

January 15, 2012
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Overall:★★★★☆ 
Filmmaking/Artistic:★★★★☆ 
Storytelling:★★★★☆ 

So, I knew critics wouldn’t like this because it presents a family that actually likes each other and doesn’t swear. They will claim unrealistic, of course, but this movie (based on a true story) was inspirational. Sure, maybe a few times that the dialogue feels a little stiff, but my guess is that they had a much smaller budget than other big Hollywood movies. A moving story, for sure.

Gulliver’s Travels

January 15, 2012
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Overall:★½☆☆☆ 
Filmmaking/Artistic:★★☆☆☆ 
Storytelling:★☆☆☆☆ 

Your Movie Monkey’s 9 year old daughter begged him to take her to this movie.  Her philosophy of film can be summarized by her review (at age 7) of Space Chimps – “it’s funny because the monkey fell down!”  Same thing here.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

January 15, 2012
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Overall:★★★½☆ 
Filmmaking/Artistic:★★★★☆ 
Storytelling:★★★☆☆ 

So, I liked it, but not quite as much as the wife and kids (and mom) did.  Didn’t care for the addition of the “green mist” and the necessity to find the seven swords, or as I called them, “horcrux lite”.  Still a fan of the series, though.

It’s a mad, mad, mad, mad world: Alice In Wonderland (2010)

March 6, 2010
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Overall Rating: B+
Filmmaking/Artistic: A
Storytelling: B−
MPAA Rating: PG (Some violence… Might be to scary/intense for children under 10)

The pitch

Let’s do the whole Charlie and The Chocolate Factory bit again with Alice in Wonderland.  Wouldn’t Johnny Depp be cool as the Mad Hatter?

Overview

A re-telling of an already surreal story, Alice In Wonderland is visually amazing, and the story moves along, although it does drag in places.  If you’re a Tim Burton / Johnny Depp / Helen Bonham Carter fan, you’ll like it a lot.  If you aren’t, this won’t be the movie where you change your mind.

Review

There’s really not much to say.  In this version of the story, Alice is 19, and is offered marriage to the son of her late father’s business partner.  We see in the flashbacks that the her dad was the kind of Hollywood dad that always dies before the movie starts, because he’s just too cool to survive.  (Like in Ever After.)  He’s wealthy and brilliant, and she is the love of his life and the heir to his good qualities.  And oh yes, he comforts her about her nightmares regarding a place with a blue caterpillar and tea-drinking rabbits.

Present time, dad has died, dad’s business partner has bough the business, and now wants his fop of a son to marry her.  Aa a party where everyone but Alice knows that her engagement is the point.  He proposes with everyone watching (although in this tale you can tell that the party guests, or at least their personality types, will re-appear in Wonderland a la The Wizard of Oz) , but Alice needs a moment to think, because this-is-what-everyone-wants-for-me-n0t-what-I-want rules the day.  So she sees and chases the white rabbit, falls down a whole and the familiar story starts.

Everyone in Underland keeps asking if she is the Alice, and she says no, but the other characters keep proving non-answers.  She runs into the standard characters, the red queen, the white queen, the mad hatter, etc., and the story is nice if predictable.

There’s no real reason to discuss the story any further.  The scenery and movie making is wonderful, and very Tim Burton, right down to the Danny Elfman music.  Helena Bonham Carter rocks as the evil red queen with a Barbara-Walters-esque speech impediment.  Johnny Depp, one of Your Movie Monkey’s favorites, is good but perhaps a bit over the top as the Mad Hatter.  (OK, it’s hard to explain how an unbelievably over-the-top character can be over-acted, but it does seem so.)  Relative newcomer Mia Wasikowska shines as Alice, not overly feminist and yet not willing to live with the status quo.  And the other character actors are also fantastic.

The story does drag in places, and although Your Movie Monkey is a huge Tim Burton fan, the one area where he falls down a bit is in the mixing of CGI and live action.  It just doesn’t seem seamless.  In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the opening scene in the chocolate factory with the chocolate river just looked like a movie set.  Here, it’s not quite as obvious, but there are times when the integration fails a bit.

If you are not a particular fan of Tim Burton, this one won’t make you change your mind.  But if you like it at all, it is an entertaining 2 hours of great effects and great acting.

The movie has some head lopping and threatened head lopping, and may be a bit scary for young kids.

Not technically plagiarisim: Percy Jackson / The Lightning Thief

February 14, 2010
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Overall Rating: C+
Filmmaking/Artistic: B+
Storytelling: C−
MPAA Rating: PG (Mild language, indirect discussion of adult relationships)

The pitch

OK, how can we milk the Harry Potter machine some more?  I know… make Harry look like Zac Efron, make that pasty redhead into a streetwise African American kid, and have the smart girl like better looking… and a ninja!  And add  Greek mythology!  There’s no copyright on those monsters!

Overview

As a fan of the Harry Potter series, Your Movie Monkey found this to be really, really close.  The filmmaking is good, but the story feels a little familiar.  The movie style feels a little like the Hercules or Xena tv shows, but without the humorous self-awareness.  Still, kids will undoubtedly like it, and although it’s not great for adults, it’s not Space Chimps, either.

Review

Hmmm.  So, there’s this kid who finds out that he really belongs to a secret group people with special powers, which explains some of the strange happenings up until now in his life.  Up until now he’s been a loser in his life, but he finds out that he’s a hero in the new world.  He goes to a school for other kids with these special powers, and there learns from a very wise teacher.  He meets two other kids who will become his best friends and travel companions, a world-wise guy and a very smart girl.  He goes on a series of adventures to find magical objects that will allow him to fulfill a quest, which appears to be his destiny.  He has a famous father well known in this secret world.  Some of the kids at the school are on the side of good, and some evil.  Oh yes, and the kid can fly using a traditional fairytale instrument of flight.  Feel familiar, anyone?

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief is based on a children’s book of the same name.   Your Movie Monkey’s older daughter Drama has read the book (and, in fact, most of the car trip back from the theater was spent discussing how the movie was not like the book, Dad).  Percy is played by Zac Efron look-alike Logan Lerman, who pulls off the role very well. 

The movie doesn’t begin with Percy, however, and instead starts off at the top of a skyscraper at 123 Backstory Lane, Zeus (uber-pasty uber-villain Sean Bean) tells Poseidon (Kevin McKidd)  that his lightning bolt’s been stolen (given Mr. Bean’s age, Your Commissioner was concerned that somehow Viagra was having a product placement).  We learn that Greek gods cannot steal each other’s powers, but their children can, and Zeus believes that Percy has stolen it.  Zeus threatens all out war if the lightning bolt is not returned by midnight in two weeks. 

Percy, meanwhile,  is a high school student with a strange form of dyslexia, where English words rearrange themselves into ancient Greek (and vice versa).  The only thing unusual about him is that he can sit underwater for periods of 7 minutes or more and feel refreshed.  Percy’s best buddy is Grover, a kid with crutches.  On a field trip, a substitute teacher calls Percy aside and, in an isolate room, turns into a monster and demands the lightning bolt.  Percy says basically “what?” but then Grove and his other teacher (a wheelchair-bound Pierce Brosnan) come in and kind of yell mythically at the creature who flies out the window.

Turns out, Grover is a satyr and Pierce Brosnan is a centaur, and Percy is the son of Poseidon.  They take Percy to a camp (although his mom is catpured by a minotaur along the way), where Percy will learn how to be a rockin’ demi-god.  Percy and Grover meet up with Annabeth, the butt-kicking ninja daughter of Athena.

The kids then set out on an adventure to get back Percy’s mom from Hades, and along the way meet all kinds of obstacles, including Uma Thurman’s wonderful Medusa, and some other famous characters from myths.

The movie feels a bit as if Hercules or Xena would feel if they didn’t laugh at themselves.  It has a serious tone, (except for Brandon T. Jackson as Grover, doing his best Chris Tucker impersonation… cracking streetwise, slightly effiminate, yet liking the ladies).   Chris Columbus, who directed the first two installments of the Harry Potter series, does a fine job implementing the story, but the material seems far inferior to Potter.  This seems like his skill… implementation. 

Both Lerman and Alexandra Daddario as Annabeth do great jobs as these characters.  It’s also good to see Catherine Keener in a kind of bread-and-butter role as Percy’s mom.  But overall, the story feels so familiar that there’s nothing really fresh and new.  Oh yes, and by the time we finally see the stolen lightning bolt, it has a kind of eco-friendly quality that doesn’t really fit with the story (like a smallish flourescent bulb). 

Overall, it’s probably worth taking the kids.  There are a few references to adult relationships (in Greek mythology, the gods often “hooked up”, as the movie says, with mortals.)  There is a little bit of mild swearing.  And there is definite violence, per the myths.  The scariness factor may make it inappropriate for kids under 10.  Also, Percy’s mom has a kind of lout of a husband, who isn’t positive, but still the family interaction isn’t great.  Still, it’s better than many, and the effects are quite good.

Kids love it–adults, meh: The Tale of Despereaux

January 3, 2009
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Overall Rating: C
Artistic/Filmmaking: A-
Storytelling: D-
MPAA Rating: PG

Overview

An unbelievably well-animated story that is a apparently a “classic” among people who are not my family, The Tale Of Desperaux attempts to throw approximately three stories and maybe 15 or so independent story components to the wall to see what sticks.  The kids will like it (Your Movie Monkey’s daughters did), but, as with Eragon, adults will feel that they’ve seen this all before.  (And, unlike Eragon, the parts you’ve seen before will not always have come from  the highest quality of movies.)

Kid Review

Drama (Your Movie Monkey’s 9-year-old daughter) rated this movie an A- and had this to say:  The Tale of Despereaux started out as a good story.  But then, it just gets really complicated.  The other thing about The Tale of Despereaux that I didn’t care for was that there were a lot of weird things that turned up; i.e., a talking and walking man made out of fruits and vegetables.  But there were a lot of good things about this movie, too.  It was basically a lot of interesting stories, and they are connected in some way or another, and blended into one story.

Queen (Your Movie Monkey’s 7-year-old daughter) rated this movie an A+, and declined further comment.

 Full Review

Your Movie Monkey was a little worried about this movie, for the sheer fact that in the previews, a princess is shown talking to a mouse, and says something like “you’re a strange little mouse”, and the mouse says “thank you”.  It’s the kind of self-referential nonsense Your Movie Monkey finds irritating.  In Your Movie Monkey’s high school, there was a girl who prided herself on being “different”, not one of the crowd, a rugged individual.  The problem was, she was constantly pointing out how different she was being, which made it, somehow, forced.  IYMMHO, a rugged individual is one who does there own thing just because they like it, not because they need attention from it.  Anyway, the mouse saying “thank you” to being described as strange felt very much like something Robin Williams would say in one of his moister on-screen moments.

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When San Francisco is just too darn conservative: Madagascar 2–Escape to Africa

December 8, 2008
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Overall Rating: C-
Filmmaking/Artistic: C
MPAA Rating: PG

Overview

A very strange, somewhat disturbing follow-up to the original Madagascar, this sequel makes no sense unless you’ve already seen the first one, and has a bizarre “anything goes” morality that will probably go over the heads of really young kids, but give pause for those who are older.  An uninteresting story, plus stolen bits from The Lion King, make this a “skip it” movie.

Mini-review

Your Movie Monkey somewhat enjoyed the first Madagascar, especially the penguins, but this second journey definitely goes downhill.  Alex the lion, Marty the zebra, Melman the giraffer, and Gloria the hippo are back, and while attempting to fly back to New York, crash land in Africa.

While there, each has a kind of separate story.  Alex is in the middle of a remake of the lion king, complete with Mufasa-esque dad and Scar-esque evil uncle.  (Producer: What should we do with Alex’s character?  We’re 15 minutes short.  Writer: Hey, I know, there’s this other animated lion movie…)  Marty finds that in Africa, he’s indistinguishable from all the other zebras, because they all look like him (and talk like him, since Chris Rock does all the voices).  It bothers him that Alex can’t tell him apart from the other zebras, so somehow, captivitiy was a good thing.

Gloria falls in love with a very big hippo named Moto Moto, and Melman professes his undying love for Gloria.

The movie is not very interesting… even Your Movie Monkey’s favorites from the first, the penguins, fall a little flat.  They are still somewhat amusing, except for the bit about the doll.  Somehow, the lead penguin has fallen in love with a bobble-head doll.  There are even “incriminating” pictures of him with the doll used as blackmail.  This was a very strange, inappropriate turn for a kids’ movie.

As was Gloria’s relationship with Moto Moto.  Firstly, Gloria and Moto Moto hang out in some form of pond that is clearly meant to look like a hottub.  Moto Moto is even drawn to look like a naked human, as he has chest hair drawn in on his skin in this hot tub scene.  His entire attraction to Gloria is admittedly physical.  Your Movie Monkey found these scenes creepy, and not altogether appropriate.

Plus, there’s a wierd subtheme about making a sacrifice (of Melman) to the “volcano gods”, in order to get water flowing again.   (Melman does this to save Gloria.)  This idea dreamed up by gender-bending King Julien of the lemurs, who at one point pops out with coconut bosoms and asks “Now who’s attracted to me?”   The movie at first makes it seem like Julien is just crazy, and the audience knows the real cause of the water shortage is a logjam upriver.  But when the jam is cleared, and Julien hints that maybe it wasn’t the volcano gods, the volcano kind of spits lava, as if to say “yes it was”.  Strange.

The best part of the movie (IYMMHO) was the return of Alex’s old lady nemesis from New York.  In her fight against the wild beasts of Africa, the beasts had better watch out.

Overall this is a morally ambiguous film that does not portray very good messages.  For a better review than Your Movie Monkey’s, check out the  Decent Films Guide.

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